I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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