Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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