p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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