these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
