I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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