I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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