as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
