I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
