i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
