girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
