Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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