you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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