Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
