we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
