Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
