I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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