If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
