It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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