he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
