we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Actions speak louder than pants.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
