U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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