Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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