I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
