I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
