i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
