I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
