I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize