He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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