so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
