i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
