All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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