I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize