I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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