Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
