I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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