Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
