White coat. Heels.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i think i just lost a toe
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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