i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
