The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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