dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
