a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
