I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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