dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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