Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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