I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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