What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
