He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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