it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize