I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize