I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
