im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
