I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
