Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
