One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
