You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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