we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
