it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Less talking, more tequila
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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