ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
