My room smells like vodka and shame
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
