can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
