first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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