what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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