I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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