New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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