she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
